How The South Really Won the Civil War.


 

You would think I am hallucinating, but I’m not.  Years ago, a comedy was done called the Canadian Conspiracy where Canadians were taking us over through entertainment.

Journalist Robert MacNeil redid a version of the Story of English with a show called Do You Speak American.  He was speaking with comedian Jeff Foxworthy.  Jeff explained about how the Southern Mountain accents were spreading because of country music.  When MacNeil left, Jeff’s mind started working.  The South will rise again; Country Music will lead the charge!”

A meeting of country stars was held in a secret bunker under The Grand Ole Opry.  How did I find out about it?  Well I am the author; I have Southern cousins who wanted me to tell the story.  No, I will not tell you where under the Opry it is.  I took an oath and I would have to kill y’all.  Nuff said.

The Country Singers at first thought Jeff had finally spent time with one Fifth Grader too many.  Charlie Daniels and Willie Nelson acted as the GOMS (Grand ole men).    “Jeff, did someone hit you in the head with a bowstring?  What did you have in mind?”

“People like country music.  People like my redneck routines.  Instead of taking it as an insult we take it on the Interstate.  Y’all have tour buses.  Spread the word of Southern Charm.”

Suddenly the frowns and head shaking turned to smiles.  “Bout tahm them Yankees learned some damn manners.”

“Didn’t we lose at Appomatox?”

“No, Grant was a damn thief and stole General Lee’s sword and Lee was too much the gentleman to ask for it back.”

That brought laughter.  “We conquer with charm, we take over the Interstates, people love us, and by the time we are done, everyone will sound like us.  “Miranda, put the shotgun away, we don’t need that.  Remember, Southern charm, y’all.”

The conquest of the nation is planned.

 

I wrote this as a gag after I saw the Robert MacNeil  series.  I am presenting a challenge where people can add to this?

 

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About tucsonmike

I am originally from Brooklyn, New York and now live in Tucson, Arizona. I have discovered a passion for writing. I have five books out now, with a sixth on the way. Take a look @ my book list: The Search for Livingstone An Affair of the Heart The Search for Otzi Griffith Justice in Space. Moriarty The Life and Times of a Criminal Genius Available now on Smashwords - Amazon and Barnes and Noble As to not bore my public with just "Buy my book," I am also interested in baseball, the outdoors, art, architecture, technology, the human mind and DNA. I learned Ashkenazi Jews, of which I am one, have to lowest rate of Alzheimer's in the world. Therefore, I treat my brain as a muscle needing a workout. I enjoy good food, flirtation, beautiful women (I am happily married for thirty years), so just flirting ;) I was considered autistic when I was young, trying to figure out if I have a mild form of Aspergers and learning from that. That is for future posts. You can also see I love history. Enjoy my sarcastic silly look at the world, and making History more interesting than a textbook.
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