Fifty Shades of Gray What COULD Have Happened.

Some of you saw my review of the book and I plan to read the second and third books, as I am already in deep.  I am also going to step into my Naughty Philosopher role here.  Remember this is a spoof and in no way is meant to use the characters from the book.

The young lady returns home from her Junior Year abroad.  Live oaks and a Southern setting.

Her mother greets her when the taxi pulls up on the circular driveway.  “Darlin’ ah have missed you terribly.”

“Mama, ah met the most darlin’ German count, Count von Übl Verführerisch.”

Her mother started thinking the wedding of the decade, how she could brag about her daughters great match, royalty, etc.

Her daughter prattled on, “He lives in a Bavarian castle on top of a mountain.  He taught me how to fence, wear chains, put me in irons and whip me on the behind with his riding crop.”

“That’s nice dear,” her mother said, still planning the wedding, until the words hit her like a Norfolk Southern freight train.  “What?!  He did WHAT to you?  Tell me you are still a virgin.  Charles Ravenel Pinckney is so looking forward to seeing you, he’s such a nice boy.  Darlin’ ahm not so sure ah heard you correctly.  He hit you with a riding crop?”

“Yes, Mama.  Ah didn’t realize I enjoyed being so submissive.”

Mama’s iron fist retreated from the velvet glove.  “Honey, get in here, now!”

Daddy is a physically large man, played Offensive Tackle for the Bear at the University of Alabama.  He saw the distress in his wife’s face?  “What’s wrong?”

“Tell your daddy what you just told me.”

And you only thought steam rose from people in cartoons.  “Git our travel agent on the phone, I reckon I have a trip to make.  Ah warned you about that Yankee college.  That’s what she was learning on her junior year abroad.  Count whats his face will not count for much any more.  Young lady, git up to your room, your Mama and I are gonna have a little chat.”

“But Daddy…”


“Darlin, how’d she end up like that?”



About tucsonmike

I am originally from Brooklyn, New York and now live in Tucson, Arizona. I have discovered a passion for writing. I have five books out now, with a sixth on the way. Take a look @ my book list: The Search for Livingstone An Affair of the Heart The Search for Otzi Griffith Justice in Space. Moriarty The Life and Times of a Criminal Genius Available now on Smashwords - Amazon and Barnes and Noble As to not bore my public with just "Buy my book," I am also interested in baseball, the outdoors, art, architecture, technology, the human mind and DNA. I learned Ashkenazi Jews, of which I am one, have to lowest rate of Alzheimer's in the world. Therefore, I treat my brain as a muscle needing a workout. I enjoy good food, flirtation, beautiful women (I am happily married for thirty years), so just flirting ;) I was considered autistic when I was young, trying to figure out if I have a mild form of Aspergers and learning from that. That is for future posts. You can also see I love history. Enjoy my sarcastic silly look at the world, and making History more interesting than a textbook.
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