The Addams family lives at 415 Gallows Tree Road. The neighbors kept their distance from the Addams.’ One new home buyer on the block was not so passive. Melissa Edwards moved to this small town from San Francisco. Haunted my eye, she thought. I am buying that house, period.
She was not interested in niceties, but getting the Addams’ off the street. She rang the doorbell, which played Chopin’s Funeral March. The only funeral is gonna be theirs, she thought annoyed.
The tall grave butler answered the bell. “You rang, Madam.”
Melissa quickly looked up. ” I know. Mission High School, basketball center. ”
“No Madam, Lafayette High School, Brooklyn.”
“No matter, I’m here to see the Addams family,” Melissa said in a brisk businesslike tone.
“They are not receiving visitors,” Lurch said gravely.
“They’ll receive me!” She blew by Lurch like a summer rush, running in on Gomez and Morticia fencing. Melissa stood for a moment not knowing what to do. Lurch’s booming voice interrupted. “I am sorry, this young lady breezed by me.”
“No worries,” Gomez said with his trademark smile. “What’s the hurry?”
Melissa practically pinned the business card to Gomez’s hand. “Getting you out of this house!”
Morticia looked at Melissa as though she were mad. Before Melissa knew what was happening, Morticia sliced Melissa’s business suit with her sword. “That, was an Armani suit, you witch! I will deduct it from the price I’m paying for this house!”
Morticia was baffled by the statement, but smiled. “Thank you for noticing my powers, but paying for this house?”
“I’m buying the house, you are leaving. It’s that simple.
“Who told you the house was for sale?”
“No one, I just bought the house down the street and I want this house and you out.”
“Gomez! She has no manners. Thing!
The next thing Melissa knew something was running up and down her spine like a finger. She whirled to find out, it WAS a finger. When Melissa recovered, her rage was kicked up a notch. “You sleazeball.” She dove for Thing who retreated into his box. While she was chasing Thing and bending over into the box, she felt her behind being kicked twice very hard in her buttocks. She whirled to find Wednesday and Pugsley giggling. “You little brats! I will teach you some manners. She held out her hand to slap Wednesday, when Wednesday slipped something into Melissa’s hand. The hairy Tarantula started to crawl. Melissa screamed the scream of someone who sounding as though they were being murdered.
Melissa went running out of the house. Spotting a police car she ran up to the officer in the passenger seat. “Officer, I am so glad to see you, they are insane in that house, and the evil child put a Tarantula on my hand.”
“Don’t worry Ma’am, we will have a talk with Wednesday,” he said professionally.
“A talk? A TALK? She needs to be in detention!”
“Ma’am I am thinking, you do not know the Addams’.”
“Nor do I care to! I am just trying to buy their house and get them out of the neighborhood.”
“So you bought the house down the street.”
“Yes and I want their house and want to redo it.”
“Ma’am they’re the oldest family here, they are not going anywhere.”
“I want to file charges against them. Assault, the hand in the box is a pervert!”
At that the two cops laughed. Melissa was unamused. “I fail to see the humor. I want your badge numbers, I think you two are taking payoffs.”