This is based on a phone call I had at my rent paying job, troubleshooting gate operators at Chamberlain Group. I have not given details of the call, but much of it is meant to be my usual tongue and cheek silliness. My childhood friend Bonnie in Toronto would be proud of me as she told my co worker Meg, how do you cope with Mr. C’s bizarre sense of humor? (Not sure, I know how I cope with it). 😉
For those who don’t know me, I am from Brooklyn originally. Brooklyn, New York, that is. The call came from Albany, New York, New York’s state capital 140 miles up the Hudson Valley. For those interested, I can go into a history of New York, but that will wait.
Anyway, the call came in, it was for the Gate Operator at an important place. All calls are important and need to be professional of course, this one woke me up from playing Maytag Repairman though. It was for the Governors mansion in Albany.
Good thing I woke up and avoided the silliness. Can you imagine if I asked “Which Governor?” (The newsman, David Brinkley told a Great Depression era story, in South Carolina. FDR was visiting and the Sergeant told the enlisted me to clean the camp because the President was coming. One wiseguy asked which President. The response? You know, the President, the one who lives in the White House)?
I didn’t want to make that mistake so I paid attention. I also kept the wiseguy responses to a minimum. No, I did not ask the wiseguy question my Staten Island Toastmasters friend asked if it was to keep Governor Paterson in or Governor Elect Cuomo out. Very funny, Julie.
Now, I must auth and my imagination is off to the races. Could you imagine if I got this wrong?
This is the silly scenario I came up with.
I am helping people on the phone where I happen to look up. I recognize those gray uniforms. There are two New York State Troopers in uniforms so starched they could walk themselves. They are sweating and obviously not in Tucson to visit.
“Mr. Charton, please stand up.”
“You two are coming after me NOW? I paid that ticket eight years ago.”
“It is not about the ticket, you are coming to Albany with us.”
I thought only women used this line. “I have nothing to wear!!”
Don’t banter humorously with a State Trooper, I should no better, but as I tell people, “I’m from Brooklyn, I don’t no know better.” (It gets a laugh normally). By their Buffalo accents, I know they will not laugh.
I only have one request when I get to Albany. A phone call to my mother. “Mom, get me some warm clothes and get on the train to Albany, I am freezing.”
The only problem is you will get more than twenty questions from Mom. Why are you in Albany with State Troopers. What kinda trouble are you in?
And then I woke up and my little buddy Yerbie the Wondercat was staring me in the face.
Author Michael Charton 